There are two types of chicks who dress up on Halloween. The slutty ones, and the stupid ones. Since I’ve played both sides of the field in recent years, I thought it would be appropriate to reflect on my favorite (and least favorite) costumes. The ones I can remember, at least. Sometimes that fluorescent red college jungle juice does weird things to your brain. My memories from high school are a little hazy, but I remember one Halloween club party where I dressed up as a slutty criminal. Handcuffs and a cut up orange T-shirt with my criminal ID was all it took.
Midway through the night, my friend spilt her Vodka Redbull drink all over my shirt. I had to BEG one of my guy friends for his undershirt, which was disgusting sweaty but I wasn’t about to dance around in my bra — or in a shirt that looked like it was covered in piss. Redbull is a weird shade of yellow that looks like straight urine. So yeah, that’s why I’m wearing a white shirt in this horrific picture from 2009. I was in 11th grade. And I’m never dying my hair red ever again.
Let’s fast forward to ASU, recognized as one of the biggest party schools in the US. Freshman year I dressed up as the possessed chick from Paranormal Activity. Since most of the film takes place in her bedroom, while she’s asleep, I threw on some pajamas and poured fake blood all over my chest. The concept was lost on most people but at least I was comfy, which is more than I can say for the following year when I dressed up as a slutty sailor. I blame the Spirit Halloween shop for all these awful mistakes.
Thankfully I wasn’t left alone in my misery. Two of my girlfriends, Danielle (the firefighter) and Lauren (the ladybug), also went on to regret their choices. I have no fucking idea why I chose to skip the bra that night. My tits look saggy as fuck in all these photos. Don’t worry though, I think I redeemed myself the next year.
Dressing up as an animal is usually the best way to avoid disaster. It’s relatively easy to execute, and people guess right the first time. For my third year at ASU I dressed up as a skunk. The bushy tail is really what sold me. Hats off to my friend Stephanie though, she made her Poison Ivy costume from scratch using plastic leaves, a glue gun, and a green leotard. That kind of ingenuity really inspired me, and I have to say I’m really proud of this next costume.
For my first Halloween as a Los Angeles resident, I made a Lumpy Space Princess costume using purple spray paint, cotton balls, and a plain white leotard for the base. I cut up some cardboard into the shape of a star, painted it yellow, and covered it in glitter. David was so pissed at me in the cab on the way to his friend’s house party because I got glitter all over his clothes. Besides that, we had a pretty cool thing going. David borrowed a Bemo costume, his roommate Mike was Jake, and we wound up another couple dresses as Marceline and Finn. The gang was complete
Back before all the feather headpiece-wearing Coachella girls were slammed as insensitive whores, there was me, jumping from party to party in a slutty Native American costume. Definitely did not think that one through. The dress was cute, and my blue hair matched the dress, so I just went for it.
OK, now we’re getting into my favorites. For the next two years I dressed up as characters I actually like, from movies I actually appreciate. Not random sluts just to add a touch of sex appeal. At a certain point the concept of looking sexy just feels like too much effort. One day you wake up and realize you don’t want to shave your legs, or curl your hair, or find the perfect pair of heels that are both sexy and comfy. That realization didn’t happen for me until 2015, when I traded in my slutty looks for something genuine.
A Freddy Krueger costume. It was perfect! I’ve been obsessed with The Nightmare On Elm Street franchise for YEARS, and Freddy has always been my favorite villain. I found the costume on Google, obviously, and immediately fell in love with the red and green striped sweater and the glove full of razor-sharp blades. I happened to be going through a pretty heartbreaking time in my life (cough, cough a breakup) so I wasn’t eating as much. I know it’s nothing to joke about, but my decreased appetite made this Freddy sweater fit like a glove.
But my favorite Halloween costume of all time is this gothic Wednesday Addams look, probably because I would happily wear this dress any time of year. I bought it from Western Style on Amazon, paired it with sheer black tights from Forever 21, velvet Creeper shoes from T.U.K Footwear, and this insanely comfy Lavish Alice coat with symmetrical grey and black lines.