Dressed in all black, minus that purple shade of MAC lipstick, and pissed off at the world. You stand behind the cash register at your part-time hospitality job because you’ve painfully realized that artistic occupations just don’t pay enough. You glare through the shop’s glass at every potential costumer with the secret hope that they don’t come in because that would force you to greet them with a cheerfully fake welcome, when all you really want to say is “fuck off.” Brainless questions and remarks like, “what do you recommend?” or “I’m looking for something yummy” turn your pupils into flames, and suddenly you wish you could set people on fire just by looking at them. We all have days (or weeks) like this, and the fact that your boss claims you have resting-bitch-face doesn’t help improve matters either. You’re not even on your period.
Cranky times call for cranky measures. Like the time I blasted Three Day’s Grace’s single “I Hate Everything About You” from my room, with the door wide open, so my parents downstairs knew
exactly how I felt about them denying me a sleepover. Overdramatic? Yes. But it did make me feel better. Now, as a grown up, I handle matters the same way, except I’d play Attik Door’s album Never In Agreement. Nothing like the voice of a bitter female to keep shop costumers away. Think Joan Jett meets Gwen Stefani — an old school Gwen Stefani, not the Harajuku Girls version. Attik Door’s vocalist, Liana Tovmasyan drags you down into a tunnel of attitude, finger-pointing, and essentially hating everyone with her opening hit, “Posers.” Although, you were probably headed down that rabbit hole to begin with. Misery loves company; so what’s the point in complaining if there’s nobody around to listen? Let Liana stand on the receiving end of your hateful words. She can take it and dish it like no other.
Attik Door emerged on the scene in 2011, with noise-makers and ground-stompers such as Led Zeppelin and System of a Down as their inspiration. Let’s say two girls — two best friends no less — come into the shop for a post-workout treat, regardless of the unmasked DO NOT ENTER look in your eyes, and KEEP AWAY attitude with your crossed arms and zipped-up-to-the-neck oversized black hoodie. Are you even going to be able to hear their order with Attik Door’s two guitarists blaring from the speakers? Sorry, guys, the music’s too loud and there’s no way to turn it down so you’ll have to come back another time — or burn in hell, whichever comes first. With every individual riff that comes from the intro to “Spinning Out,” imagine those besties falling further and further into the pits of hell and you’ll instantly feel better.
Besides playing from the speakers during your opening shift, you can catch Attik Door perform live around California at shows such as Oakland First Fridays, SubZero Festival, and Red Marines Festival.